Manners, Discipline and Values

Manners

Manner is a way of behaving with others. If you don't have good manners you may not just be disliked but you may also suffer from disadvantages during your carrier development. Without proper etiquette, society would be a mess with free-for-all behaviors that would have rude people dominating those who care about others. People would say whatever is there on their mind, regardless of how stupid it is. Forks would fly, and elbows would rock tables in restaurants and homes. Diners would be grossed out by people who speak with their mouths full of food. Having proper etiquette is essential in all aspects of life if you want others to respect you. Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.

Here are some of the many advantages of having good manners:

Professional manners get positive attention. Skills on the job are important, but knowing how to do the work isn't the only thing expected of you. Following the etiquette rules at work will help you earn respect and possibly even contribute to promotions and raises.
Being kind to customers increases sales. Show your customers your good manners by speaking to them politely and giving them an opportunity to express their needs, and you are more likely to earn their future business.
Being polite to your friends will keep them calling. When your friends know you care enough to have good manners with them, they are more likely to include you in activities and events.
Romantic relationships are stronger when couples respect each other. Men and women who are polite and selfless are a lot more pleasant to be around than those who are selfish and rude.
Treating other people with respect makes them want to be nice back to you. Whether you need help at the grocery store or you have a complaint about a product, showing good manners will make the store employees want to work with you. Holding a door for a young mom or older person can make their day much better. Smile at someone, and that just might be the bright spot in his or her day.
Driving with good manners can help prevent accidents. Road rage has never been good for anyone. Remember that all drivers make mistakes. It's up to you to maintain an even temper and avoid accidents by being aware of everything around you when you're behind the wheel.
Others will listen if you give them a chance to speak. Being a good conversationalist involves more than knowing the right words or talking all the time. The person you are speaking to will feel that you care if you take a breather and hear what he or she has to say.

Manners can sometimes depend on the place and believes but in general, do the following things:

Avoid personal, hurting and blaming comments.
Keep smiling, respecting and politeness
Wish people when meeting for first time in that day like "Good Morning" or simply "Hello". Wish people at the end of the day or while leaving like "Good Bye". Wish people before initiating a conversation with them.
Say "Please" whenever you are requesting something from others. Say "Thank you" whenever you received something from others. Say "Welcome" whenever you are told, "Thank you".
As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else. Good manners always say, “After you.”
Step aside for people who want to pass by.
Turn the phone off during meals, movies, classes, and conversations. This includes texting. Give 100% attention to the people you are physical with.
Offer the last piece of food you were sharing with others.
Give up your seat in a public place to those in need.
Stand up when elders enter the room.
Knock on closed doors -- and wait to see if there's a response -- before entering.
Let the other person finish speaking then you talk.
When interrupting someone says "Excuse Me".
Do not comment on other people's physical characteristics unless, of course, it's to compliment them, which is always welcome.
When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are.
Never use foul language they are boring and unpleasant.
Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel.
Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best.
Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don't pick your nose in public.
Wash your hands before and after meals.
Give a genuine apology when needed. Sometimes, the other person needs to hear you say, “I’m sorry.”
Chew food with your mouth closed. And chew food well.
Return the items after borrowing them. Show respect for other people’s belongings.

Discipline

What does Discipline Mean? Discipline

One word . . . thousands of opinions.

Is it punishment? Is it obedience?
Is it rules? Is it enforcement?
Is it always doing the same thing? Is it always doing the right thing? (Whatever that is)
Is it consistency? Is it doing what you’re told?
Is it rigid? Is it boring?
Do you even get a choice? Do you just comply?

To understand what discipline really is and what it really means, let’s look at the origin of the word to find its intent and true form.

The word “disciple” comes from the Latin word discipulus meaning “student”. Most people believe a disciple is a follower, probably because of the religious context, but in reality, it means student. A disciple is—and I’ll make up a word here—a “studier.”

The word “discipline” is from the Latin word disciplina meaning “instruction and training”. It’s derived from the root word discere—” to learn.”

So what is discipline?
Discipline is to study, learn, train, and apply a system of standards.

What isn’t discipline?
Discipline is not rules, regulations, or punishment. It is not compliance, obedience, or enforcement. It is not rigid, boring, or always doing the same thing.

Discipline is not something others do to you. It is something you do for yourself. You can receive instruction or guidance from one or many sources, but the source of discipline is not external. It is internal.

Discipline is not obedience to someone else’s standards to avoid punishment. It is learning and applying intentional standards to achieve meaningful objectives.

Discipline is a choice . . . your choice. It is a decision. Better yet, all your decisions.

The distinction between discipline being an external dynamic or an internal dynamic, a mandatory rule or a personal choice, is important. Understanding this at a deeper level is your gateway into a better, more discipline-driven life.
Since discipline is a choice and we’re learning how to get more and better discipline, that provides us some direction as to what discipline does for us and why we want it.

We’re learning how to get more and better choices. More and better options. More and better standards. More and better skills. More and better flexibility.

Do you see how it works?

When you understand discipline as a choice, you are in control, not anyone or anything else. More discipline, more choice, more control. Less discipline, less choice, less control. Good, right?

Let’s use a common example:

I want to get up at 4:45 am and work out. I have a four-month-old son who usually wakes up at 6:00 am and, like all babies, needs a lot of time and attention. I have to take care of him, make coffee, get myself ready, and leave for work by 7:30 am.

So I need to work out before he wakes up . . . hence the 4:45 am alarm.

My alarm goes off, I choose discipline, get up, workout, wake up my son, love on him, and leave for work. My first win of the day is in the books and my mind is clear to focus on my next priorities knowing my workout is done and I don’t have to “find the time” to make it up later. I’m in control of myself and my day. I can even splurge a little at lunch or dinner because I worked out hard. I burned so I earned.

But what if I don’t choose discipline?

My alarm goes off, I choose to default, sleep in, wake up my son, still love on him, and leave for work. I’m mentally and emotionally disappointed in myself because I should have gotten up and worked out. My mind is searching for when I can make it up. Tonight? Too busy, too late, too tired. Tomorrow? It was supposed to be my off day. Now I’m disappointed and distracted. I’m not in control of myself or my day. I’m stressed and irritated, my discipline fades even further, so I make impulsive eating decisions at lunch and dinner because I’m already having an off-day. Might as well have been consistent.

Sound familiar?

The two scenarios described above translate to any scenario in any environment. When we maintain our own personal discipline, our choice, we retain control of ourselves and how we move through our environments.

When we lose our personal discipline, also our choice, we give control away to other people, external circumstances, and the inevitable randomness of life. We drift and become the plaything of circumstances (Viktor Frankl—” Man’s Search for Meaning”).

More discipline, more choice, more control. Better options. Higher standards. Improved skill. More flexibility.

Less discipline, less choice, less control. Fewer options. Lower standards. Inadequate skill. Less flexibility.

Go test this deeper understanding of the discipline, what it is, how it works, and why it works. Observe yourself throughout the day. Observe other people. Measure these words against what you observe. Get out in the field and do the work.

Values

Accountability
Balance
Commitment
Discipline
Empathy
Forgiveness
Generosity
Hope
Integrity
Joy
Knowledge
Loyalty
Manners
Non-Smoker, Non-Drinker & Non-Gambler
Open-Mindedness
Perseverance
Quietness
Resilience
Simplicity
Temperate
Uplifting
Valiant

Again and again, teachers, professors and anyone else in the teaching professions will tell you that IQ is not the only difference between their best and worst students. Increasingly, psychologists are finding that the one characteristic that is emerging as a significant predictor of success is grit. It’s been said that grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint. But what is grit? And how can it be nurtured?

"Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals", " Grit is a belief that the steps you are taking today will bring change", "Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality." In chapter 1, I have suggested some animations and movies which helps develop grit in children. The essence of grit remains elusive. But the five common characteristics of grit listed below can make things clearer about How do you measure up grit?

1. Courage
   When you think of courage you may think of physical bravery, but there are many other forms of courage. After all, courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. Examples of courage include taking a chance when others will not; following your vision, no matter where it takes you; standing up for what you believe in, especially when your beliefs are unpopular; or simply doing the right thing even though easier options exist. The qualities of courageous people include patience, the ability to believe the unbelievable, and the guts to say “no”. They are not afraid of taking an unpopular stand, nor of asking for help. They are able to forgive and move on quickly, but also to stay the course when everyone else has abandoned ship.

2. Conscientiousness
   Conscientiousness is defined as the personality trait of being thorough, careful, or vigilant. Conscientiousness implies a desire to do a task well and conscientious people are efficient and organised, not resting until the job is done and done right. Generally, the conscientious have strong moral principles and values: they want to do the right thing and opinions and beliefs on any subject are rarely held lightly. They also tend to be perfectionists who like to do everything “the right way”. In addition, the conscientious person is dedicated to work and is capable of intense, single-minded effort. They like the appearance of orderliness and tidiness and are good organisers, catalogers and list makers. Finally, conscientious people stick to their convictions and opinions – opposition only serves to strengthen their dogged determination.

3. Perseverance
   “If you are going through hell, keep going,” Winston Churchill famously said. Indeed, to many people, perseverance is synonymous with pain and suffering but those with true grit are able to flip their perspective on perseverance 180 degrees and view struggle as a doorway to pleasure. Essentially, to persevere means to start and continue steadfastly on the path towards any goal you set and frequently this factor alone is the difference between failure and success. However, one of the distinctions between someone who succeeds and someone who is just spending a lot of time doing something is this: practice must have a purpose. That’s where long-term goals come in. They provide the context and framework in which to find the meaning and value of your long-term efforts, which helps cultivate drive, sustainability, passion, courage, stamina… grit.

4. Resilience
   In one word, resilience is “toughness” – the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. In general, those who are extremely optimistic tend to show greater resilience. They approach life with a sense of humour, are able to laugh at themselves and to reframe situations and experiences to see a lighter side. Resilient people also tend to have a strong moral compass or set of beliefs that cannot be shattered. They don’t compare themselves to others, knowing instead that they are their own yardstick of success. They also see difficulties as stepping stones to transformation. Finally, they do not try to control their lives. Instead, they cultivate self-awareness and practice mindfulness. They surrender themselves to life’s ups and downs and adjust their attitudes and goals according to the size of the wave they are currently riding.

5. Passion
   Passion creates excellence when mediocrity will do. Passionate people have a deep sense of purpose and are often selfless in their actions. They also know themselves – they have a clear sense of their values and beliefs, and they live by them. They generally accept themselves as imperfect and growing, seeing life as a series of choices and options. They are driven by goals and are result-oriented. They don’t let anything stop them – they have a “will to find a way” attitude and don’t accept “no” for an answer. By the same token, they are also enthusiastic about the success of others. Finally, they take responsibility for their lives but are not afraid to ask for support. Passionate people recognise that they are in the driver’s seat as they travel on their journey of life.